Gray Stables

I love folk music.
Especially on rainy days.
hmmm.
<3

Black Lungs.

Everytime I see someone smoking a cigarrette,
I want to snatch it out of their hand,
throw it on the ground & say, "you know what you're doing to yourself. please stop."
hmmm.-ph
<3

I've Been Thinkin'...Overthinkin'...

So...I have all four finals next week.
& I must say I've never been this stressed out about anything.
Also, I'm not really that excited about Christmas.
Maybe it's cause I'm worrying about finals so much??
I don't know... I wish it was over.
Another thing I've been thinking about is my future and it literally keeps me awake at night.
For hours.
&& its that I want to ACT.
I can't describe how badly I want this.
I just pushed out that idea as a plan for the future & didn't even think about pursuing it until recently.
I have an achy feeling inside me that just... YEARNS for it I guess you could say.
I know that I'm meant to do his.
Why would God give me such a passion and talent for something if I wasn't meant to use it?
But of course, I don't have the support of anyone...well, that I know of.
My parents do not support the idea of me majoring in theatre
and going out for casting calls for movies and stuff like that.
"What makes you think you can do it?" My mom says. "You're one in a MILLION."
& I said, "EXACTLY. "
Exactly!!
I AM one in a million!!
I am unlike any other girl or... PERSON that I've ever met.
There isn't anyone like me.
I don't want to sound conceited but it's true!
There is no other Heidi Nicole Buie.
I just have to let ME shine through all the other typical actresses around everywhere.
That's gonna be hard to do.
But I just felt a surge of confidence right now.
Weird.
But then I have these doubts.
What if it's stupid to even dream about?
I hate those thoughts.
hmmm. :/
<3

I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through.

I've never been perfect, but neither have you.

hmmm.
<3

It's 1:00 a.m.

I've had sleep insomnia these past couple of days
& I hate just lying in bed staring at the ceiling.
That's when my mind whirls.
I think about everything.
I think about how stressed out I am.
I think about my dead-ends but I don't want to get a haircut.
I think about how many times I've skipped church on Sundays.
Which leads me to think of what a HUGE sinner I am.
I think about how selfish I am for trying to choose my own future
instead of wanting God to take control.
I think about how badly I want the future I'm planning for myself.
I think about how much I want taco bell.
I think about my future husband and what he will be like.
I think about love and if I will ever find it.
I think about how great it would be to be noticed. By everyone.
I think about how great it would be to fall asleep to forget everything I've just thought about.
hmmm.
<3

Oh Rob Pattinson.

How I adore thee.
hmmm. :)
<3

I've Come To Realize...

That I hate writing essays.
I HATE it.
Especially the topics.
Who cares about the difference between high school and college writing??
High school is over.
No need to bring it up again unless you're talking about loverly memories.
I'm not mad... I'm just...ehhhhhh.
I wish there was an actual word for what ehhhhhh is.
Cause that's how I feel.
School is keeping me from feeling positive emotions.
For example, I'm really excited about Sacramento.
But [yes I'm using but in the beginning of a sentence cause I'm mad a t English right now]
the worry of getting all of my homework in and passing tests in order to advance is so
downright scary I can't get to that full level of excitement you know?
I really hope I get my arse in gear and get motivated already.
I just don't like being in a classroom "learning" about things that are not going to be useful for me in my future.
I guarantee you that I am not going to have a job where I need to know how to use parenthetical citations or the Pythagorean theorem. [Which I still don't understand].
I don't like learning in a classroom being told this and that.
I like to find out for myself.
Therefore, college is definitely not for me.
But [ha!] in today's world, there really is no other option.
So I'll guess I'll just have to endure it.
hmmm. :/
<3

Muahaha.

I should probably wait til tomorrow to write more on here, but who cares?
No one is reading it anyways...well... not that I know of.

Im moving to Sacramento in August.
I don't think it's going to come fast enough.
Im finally going to start a life on my own!
I want to major in either photography, or theatre.
I haven't made up my mind yet.
But I'm definitely NOT going to teach theatre,
I want to be the one performing.
I was born to be a star.
Seriously.
hmmm
<3

Currently Listening

-Iron and Wine
-The Black Ghosts
-Mutemath


Things they have in common: They're all on the Twilight Soundtrack.
Dont roll your eyes yet! haha
I looked them all up, & I really like all of their songs!
Especially Boy With A Coin-Iron & Wine
Its catchy.
Good stuff.
hmmm.
<3

Cheers.

So today is my first blog post.
It's kind of strange.
By reading this people can practically see inside my brain.
hmmm.
<3